Why I Chose to Talk about Steve Powell

The past few days have been a whirlwind of new information about Susan Cox Powell’s case…with the police search in Ely, Nevada; the “Honk and Wave campaign” in Utah and Washington to raise awareness of Susan; and the confrontation between Cox and Powell families in Puyallup, Washington on Saturday.

Sunday night, news broke about Josh Powell’s father, Steve Powell, having “feelings” for Susan—his own daughter-in-law.  (Click here for the KUTV 2 news report, and here for an article by Isabelle Zehnder.)  I’ve been monitoring Facebook, Twitter, and other places online and have seen many comments on this issue by emotional and outraged people on both sides.

I wanted to explain WHY I personally decided to finally break my silence and talk about these new allegations against Steve Powell. 

Josh and Susan Powell moved to Utah 7 years ago and we became friends immediately.  Susan and I became particularly close, and were together several times a week.  We spent hours upon hours talking, laughing, and sharing many things.

When I had known Susan a few months, she began talking to me about why it is that she and Josh decided to move to Utah.  There were several factors, she originally said…a better job…a new start…a chance to get to know Josh’s sister Jennifer Graves, and Josh’s mother, Teri Powell, better.  Then one day she told me that a very big part of the reason she and Josh moved to Utah was to get away from Josh’s father, Steve Powell. 

I was very surprised by this.  Yes, I knew many people didn’t like or get along with their in-laws.  But when Susan talked about Steve Powell, she expressed extreme disgust and even feelings approaching hatred. 

Then she told me WHY she felt this way.  She said that early in her marriage to Josh, when they were still newlyweds, they wanted to save money to get their own apartment.  So they moved in for a short time with Steve Powell.

At the time, there wasn’t an extra bedroom for them.  So they converted a dining room into their bedroom and hung a curtain over the opening for privacy.  Shortly after moving in, Susan began to feel very strange around Steve Powell.  She said that she felt like her father-in-law was looking at her inappropriately—and once she even caught him trying to watch her get dressed one day.

She tried to give her new father-in-law the benefit of the doubt, but the weird feelings and things continued, and one day it culminated in a very inappropriate episode where Steve Powell tried to kiss her.  This was not a “family” kiss.  This was a romantic kiss. 

Susan was so creeped out, disgusted and horrified that she told Josh “That’s it, we’re moving out.  NOW.”  And soon after that, they did. 

I was, of course, shocked, horrified and disgusted to hear about this.  “That’s not all,” Susan said.  “There’s more.”  She told me that after living in Utah a couple of years, one day she received a package in the mail.  Steve Powell had sent Susan several pictures of Susan’s favorite actor. 

At first, Susan thought this was actually a nice gesture on the part of Steve Powell.  She wondered if he had changed, and maybe become a kinder person.  Then she saw what was sitting in the middle of the stack of pictures: several pictures of naked men.

She was horrified, sickened, full of revulsion.  She threw the pictures away immediately and it re-affirmed more than ever her feelings about Steve Powell, her father-in-law.  She told Josh on many occasions, even in the presence of my husband John and myself: “Your father is NEVER allowed to step foot in our house here in Utah.  If he comes to visit you here, you can go see him in his hotel.  He WILL NOT defile our house by his presence here.”

She also told me several times that she did not feel comfortable around Steve, and she did not want her little boys, Charlie and Braden, to ever be alone with him.  She did not enjoy visiting Steve Powell when she and Josh went to Washington to visit family, but she endured it when she had to because she wanted Josh to be able to visit his family.

So, the question on anyone’s mind who has taken the time to read all this is: why now?  Why did you not come forward with this in the very beginning? 

It is a good question, and here is my answer: I told all of this to the police from the very first week of the investigation.  In fact, an early blog entry I wrote said this in response to attacks by critics: “You don’t know all the details here.  There are many, many details of Susan’s background/relationship with Josh/etc. that have NOT been made public.” 

So why make them public now?  From the beginning of this case, Susan’s father, Chuck Cox, personally asked me and everyone else to please not point fingers at Josh Powell.  He wanted us to focus on FINDING SUSAN and not accusations or blame.  Through the past 20 months, things have changed a little bit as more and more information has come out.  But one thing has stayed the same: Chuck still has asked us to focus completely on finding Susan.  The only thing he has accused Josh of in Susan’s disappearance is not cooperating with police.  I have done the same.  Josh was my friend, too.  I have never said he is “guilty” or that he “made Susan disappear” or anything like that.  I have only said, “Josh, if you are innocent, PLEASE TALK TO POLICE and clear your name!”  I told Josh this personally, to his face, for the last time in February 2010 before he cut off all contact with me and my family.

Meanwhile, Josh and Steve Powell have used their website, SusanPowell.org, as a forum to slander, abuse, attack and demean not only Susan but Chuck and Judy Cox, Josh’s own sister Jennifer Graves, the LDS church Susan loved and belonged to, and many other people who love and care about Susan.  Still, in the face of all this, Chuck Cox has still told us: “Focus on finding Susan.”  He has consistently taken the higher road and refused to stoop to the level of Josh and Steve Powell. 

Yet in recent weeks, the level of abuse against Susan by her own husband and father-in-law has escalated and reached new lows.  They say they have several volumes of Susan’s personal journals from when Susan was 8 years old all the way to age 20.  Steve Powell has gone on record on the national news, on the Today show and others, to say that he has personally read all 2,000 pages of Susan’s childhood journals and plans to transcribe them and post them online for the world to see.  He insists that Susan was “promiscuous” and “suicidal” and that these, her childhood and teenage journal writings, prove that she “ran off” with another man.

My feelings about the absolute immorality and depravity of such an act—reading a teenage girl’s journals and planning to publish them to the world without her permission or knowledge—are no secret.  It is one of the most filthy, evil, cruel violations I have ever witnessed.  And I will not stand by and see my dear friend’s privacy, honor, personal feelings, and life violated in this evil and debase way. 

So I’m speaking out.  I am not doing this for revenge.  I am not doing this to “get back at” Steve and Josh, or to “fling mud.”  I am doing it because Susan is not here to stand up for herself.  She is not here to take her personal, private journals out of the hands of such cruel people.  She would be horrified, sickened, and beyond furious that her privacy was being violated like this.  Steve Powell is the very last person on earth she would EVER want to lay a finger on her personal journals—let alone take the time to spend hundreds of hours reading every page and “transcribing” them.  It is wrong in every way.  It is immoral, and publishing them is illegal and against copyright law.  (If Susan is alive, as Steve and Josh claim, they are violating her legal right to copyright over her own private writings.)

I did not want to expose what Susan told me in deep confidence about her father-in-law.  But enough is enough.  Susan is missing.  She was ripped away from her children, her parents, her family, her life.  She has no say in what her so-called “family of marriage” is doing to her, her reputation, her children, and her possessions.  But I will speak up for her now and forever in not allowing this evil to go forward unchallenged.

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Utter Depravity

When I was a child, I kept a journal infrequently.  I’d write a few sentences…nothing too exciting.  By the time I turned 12 I started writing more often, and my teenage years got even more frequent entries.

              

These journal entries are silly…fluffy…embarrassing…and hilarious to read now, looking back.  They’re full of crushes on boys; my hopes and fears; incidents from my daily life, both mundane and earth-shattering.  They also show some things I was truly sad about.  I wrote about them as I wanted, giving full sway to my feelings because, hey, these were totally private, right?  No one would EVER read them…unless I gave my kids permission to read them when they were old enough.

This seems like a basic truth, or right, that everyone on earth should have: their own right to privacy in their thoughts and feelings…their private thoughts, kept in a private journal, diary, or notebook, contained safely away from prying eyes, not something that anyone else should ever see unless the writer chooses to share.

My friend Susan Cox Powell kept many journals during her teenage years and beyond.  She filled volumes with her private thoughts, her private feelings.  Her hopes, her dreams…probably a lot of angst…teenage melodrama, fun, anger.  She felt free to vent her feelings and thoughts in those journals, secure in the knowledge that they were safe to her.  She may have at some future point chosen to share those journals with her sons, but she certainly never read even one page of those journals to her closest friends or even her family.

Now Susan is gone: missing, disappeared, snatched from her boys, her parents and sisters, her friends, her life.  She has been missing for 19 months without a trace.  Susan’s parents have nothing left of her but memories and photographs.  They don’t even have her sons—Susan’s husband Josh has denied them access to even visit their own grandsons. 

Who has Susan’s journals?  Is it her parents, who respected Susan’s right to privacy and never read her journals? 

NO.  Susan’s private journals—the diaries of a teen girl—are in the hands of the Josh and Steve Powell family. 

Do the Powells respect the privacy and sanctity of her journals?  Do they offer, out of the kindness of their hearts, to give these journals to the Cox family for safekeeping?  Do they keep them stored away safely, so her sons could read them someday and get to know their mother, who was ripped away from them?

NO.  The Powells READ Susan’s journals.  Her father-in-law, Steve Powell—a man who should be trying to find Susan, and who should be cooperating with the police, and urging his son, Josh Powell, to cooperate with police—has gone on national television, not once, but twice, most recently this morning on the NBC Today show—to announce to the world that he has not only READ all of Susan’s private teenage journals, but he is planning to publish them on a new website, starting this week.

What kind of a man does this?

What kind of a person not only violates the sacred privacy of a young girl by reading her thoughts…thoughts that she wrote down before she ever met Josh, his father, or anyone in his family…but also decides he’s going to publish her private thoughts to the entire world?

Susan is gone.  She was taken away from all she holds dear.  Her family and friends are heartbroken, and her sons are without their mother.  She is not here to be her own voice, to stand up in defense of her thoughts, her feelings, her past actions, her life. 

This is so wrong, on every level.  This is an act of total depravity.  And I hope the people of this country and this world will realize this and stand up for Susan, for truth, for justice.  Tell your friends and everyone you know in any way you can—in person, through blogs, Facebook, Twitter–that Susan Cox Powell is still missing, that she has been taken away from her sons, that her life is not the Powell’s to lay open and expose every detail of her teen years.  Those things are Susan’s alone to reveal, and she is not here to do it.  Stand up for Susan.  And please, pray for her, her sons Charlie and Braden, and the Cox family.  Truth WILL prevail.  Justice WILL be done.  And there is a loving God in heaven who will not stand by and watch these immoral, cruel acts to be perpetrated over and over on the innocent.

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Sad Anniversary: Six Months Today

Six months ago today, my dear friend Susan Cox Powell disappeared from her home under very suspicious circumstances.

I’ve written a blog post about it on the other blog I keep for Susan.  I just can’t believe it’s been six months and we still have no answers or resolution.  Her husband still refuses to cooperate with police or answer any questions, and her little boys are still without their mother.

This morning I got up at 3 a.m. to go downtown and be on the weekend Today show live.  These things don’t get any easier with time.  While I am beyond grateful for the media’s interest in Susan and their desire to keep her in the news, it is heart-wrenching agony to not have her back with us and have to mark yet another one of these anniversaries.

I know that Susan is in God’s hands, wherever she is, and that he is also watching over her sweet little boys.  We WILL find her and justice will be served. 

I’m thinking of you today and always, my friend.  I love you.

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Susan’s Worldwide Friends

I’ve talked before about how much it helps to feel the support and prayers of people all over the world, praying for Susan, her family, and everyone involved in the effort to find her. 

One unexpected blessing that’s come out of this horrible situation is the massive amounts of friends Susan still continues to gain, even while she’s been missing from our lives.  People everywhere feel like they know her and love her and feel so much a part of her disappearance. 

I personally have made many new friends…total strangers who’ve been searching since the day Susan disappeared…Susan’s co-workers…her family…media representatives…and many people on the internet from all over the world.  These people have followed Susan’s story since the beginning and they just can’t possibly know how much their support, faith, prayers, and encouraging comments help us keep going. 

I want to thank everyone who has said even one prayer for Susan and her family.  Everyone who has physically searched for some clue to Susan’s disappearance.  All those who have spent countless hours online, trying desperately to put the pieces of this puzzle together to help with finding Susan.  The media, especially the local media who have covered Susan’s story again and again.  And of course, the police, who are working tirelessly to find Susan and bring her home. 

Early Monday morning, I finished the last of 3 books I’ve been reading about Elizabeth Smart.  The first book I read was a good overall summary of the whole story, while the Tom Smart and Lee Benson book offered an excellent and detailed look into the inner workings of the case.  I saved the one written by her parents for last, and it was a wonderful book—so full of faith and hope and gratitude.  My own faith and hope was bolstered by Ed and Lois Smart’s example and courage…and of course, Elizabeth’s, to make it through such a terrible ordeal. 

I don’t know where Susan is but one thing I do know: there is a God in heaven who is personally invested in each of our lives.  He knows where Susan is, and he is watching over her and over all of us.  I know his heart breaks for his precious children when things like this happen.  I know he will help us find her.

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Missing Persons

Yesterday when my family and I were out doing our Saturday grocery shopping, we ran into the mother of Troy Ward.  She was a cashier at the store and saw the “Missing Person: Susan Cox Powell” button I was wearing. 

Troy Ward was a 6-year-old boy who disappeared from a park in the Salt Lake area the day after his 6th birthday in 1983, according to a Wikipedia article.  Troy was the victim of a serial killer, Arthur Gary Bishop, and was the fourth boy this evil man killed.  (WARNING: don’t click on the Wikipedia link if you don’t want to read the details of these horrible crimes.)

Troy’s mother told us about her 33 days of “living hell” she went through before they found her little boy’s body.  She showed us an old picture of him that she keeps with her in her pocket.  She told us about her experience of praying the night he disappeared and her feeling that he was “safe”—but not in body, in spirit, meaning she had a good idea that he was already dead. 

She told us that she knows exactly how Susan’s parents feel.  She has been there and back again.  She hopes so much that Susan will be found and her heart goes out to Susan’s parents. 

I believe there is a special place reserved for the type of people that do such horrible things to others.  Whomever took Susan away from her family, her little boys, and all those that loved her will pay the price, I firmly believe.  WE WILL FIND HER.  We will never give up until we do.

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3 Months Later: Candlelight Vigils for Susan

Cox family spokesperson Shelby Gifford posted this press release yesterday:

PRESS RELEASE
March 3, 2010
4:15 PST
Contact: Shelby Gifford, Cox Family spokesperson
Shelby@theshelbynetwork.com
SUBJECT: Candlelight Vigils Scheduled for Susan Cox Powell

Friends and family of Susan Cox Powell will host two simultaneous candlelight vigils for Susan at 7 PM on Saturday, March 6, 2010. This date coincides with the three-month mark since Susan’s disappearance December 6/7, 2009 from her home in West Valley City, Utah.

In Puyallup, WA, the vigil will be held at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Ridgecrest Building, located at 12407 Military Rd East, Puyallup, WA 98374.

In the West Valley City, UT area, the vigil will occur at 7 PM at the Centennial Park, located at 3050 South 5600 West in West Valley, Utah.

We invite everyone to join us and request that those in attendance bring a candle or two to light on Susan’s behalf. We will be meeting outdoors so we encourage you to dress warmly.

On behalf of the Cox Family, thank you for all your good wishes, prayers and notes of hope and support.

###

Style Note: At the family’s request, please refer to Susan as “Susan Cox Powell” in all electronic and print media references as of February 15, 2010.

_______________________________________________________________

Download links for invitations to the vigil:

Puyallup, WA

Salt Lake City, UT—English

Salt Lake City, UT—Spanish

If you live near these areas, please download and print these for your family, friends, and neighbors.  We hope to see you at the vigils!

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Looking Ahead: Candlelight Vigil/Keeping Susan in the News

I haven’t posted here in forever, it seems like…I started a new blog for the Week of Service effort in Susan’s honor, and all my time was taken up with that huge effort.  Then I got sick…really sick, with a terrible cold.  The months of stress, exhaustion, and worry finally caught up with me, I guess.

Now I’m better, and back at it with all my energy.  There is not a second of my day that goes by that I’m not thinking of Susan.  Even when I’m cooking dinner or reading to my kids, my mind is dwelling on her and her case.  It is so very hard to wait…wait for some new developments, some word from the police, for something to happen, for Susan to be found.

I’m currently reading three books about Elizabeth Smart (Bringing Elizabeth Home: A Journey of Faith and Hope, In Plain Sight: the Startling Truth Behind the Elizabeth Smart Investigation, and Held Captive: The Kidnapping and Rescue of Elizabeth Smart).  Like everyone else in the country, I followed Elizabeth’s case while it was all happening.  I still remember where I was and what I was doing when I heard the shocking and miraculous news of Elizabeth’s return.  I remember calling my mother and both of us crying tears of joy for this girl and her family that we didn’t even know.

I know that Susan and Elizabeth hardly have anything in common…their circumstances are very different.  But I felt that it could only help to read about Elizabeth’s case and everything her family did to find her, to see if there was anything that would help us in our situation.  I find myself identifying so much with the things her family went through, feeling many of the same emotions, thinking and believing the same things they did. 

One huge thing that really helped Elizabeth’s story was the spectacular media coverage.  The Smart family did a terrific job of keeping Elizabeth in the news constantly, even when there was no news to be found.  We’ve tried to do the same with Susan, creating events and activities to make our own news when there isn’t anything official coming from police.  Keeping Susan’s face and name constantly in the public eye is so important.

We will be holding candlelight vigils this Saturday to mark the three-month point since Susan disappeared.  The one here in Salt Lake County will be held at Centennial Park in West Valley City.  Details:

What: Candlelight vigil for Susan Cox Powell

Where: Centennial Park, south-east corner of 3100 South and 5600 West in West Valley City

When: 7pm

Please come support Susan and her family.  Bring a candle and invite everyone you know.  Three months is FAR too long…this beautiful mother should have been reunited with her children long ago. 

If you don’t live in Salt Lake City or Puyallup, please consider holding your own vigil in your area.  If you do set one up, leave me a comment and I will publicize it on the official Find Susan Twitter account and the Facebook group.  You can call your local media, as well, to invite them.  The more coverage Susan’s story gets, the greater the chances of finding her. 

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Dear Facebook: Where’s Our Group?

PRESS RELEASE
Saturday, January 30, 2010
2:00 PST
Contact: Shelby Gifford, Cox Family Spokeswoman
253.255.1624
Shelby@theshelbynetwork.com

SUBJECT: Friends & Family of Susan Powell Facebook Page Mysteriously Disappears

The Cox Family and administrators of the Friends & Family of Susan Powell Facebook page are asking for the social networking site’s help in restoring a page dedicated to the disappearance of missing Utah mom, Susan Powell, who was last seen December 6, 2009 in West Valley City, Utah.

The page contained information about Susan and her disappearance, and was a place where members of Facebook could come for up-to-date information about the case. “An entire database of people willing to help with searches and provide other services was deleted from Facebook as of approximately 2 PM Friday, January 29, 2010” said Shelby Gifford, family spokesperson for the Cox family and an administrator on the popular Facebook page. “Additionally, our page had over 45,000 members, all of whom can no longer see the page and who are not able to get or distribute information about Susan’s disappearance.”

The Facebook page has also been plagued by a “troll” who continues to visit the page under assumed identities, even pretending to be Susan Powell herself at one point. The Cox family and the Friends & Family of Susan Powell page administrators have made repeated complaints to Facebook and have not received a response. Susan’s father, Charles Cox, even applied online for a job with Facebook to try to get the company’s attention, but received no response. Other Facebook sites that strive to provide information about Susan have experienced similar problems.

“Obviously, our reason for using Facebook is that it can reach such a large audience quickly. This was proven in our successful Find Susan Media Blitz conducted earlier this month, during which the site grew to over 43,000 members in just a matter of days,” said James Hofheins, Social Media Coordinator for the Friends & Family of Susan Powell group. “We would like to talk with a representative from Facebook so we can remedy this problem once and for all. Their lack of response is causing great frustration among Susan’s friends, family and supporters.”

Various law enforcement agencies have been contacted with regard to threats made to the individual administrators of the Friends & Family of Susan Powell Facebook site. “We will continue to pursue those avenues as needed,” said Gifford.

NOTE: The Cox family had previously planned (but not announced) a press conference for Monday, February 1, 2010 in Puyallup, WA. THIS HAS BEEN POSTPONED. When the conference is rescheduled, members of the media will be notified via an emailed press release. To add your contact information to the Cox Family media database, please send an email to Shelby@theshelbynetwork.com.

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Facebook Group: GONE

Many people in this world spend their time doing good, uplifting, wholesome things.  A few others choose to spend theirs destroying and tearing down.

Our Facebook group, Friends and Family of Susan Powell, disappeared this afternoon.  An internet troll/fake profile/hacker has claimed responsibility, saying that he has friends “inside” Facebook that shut the group down at his request and will shut down any further groups we ever try to start.

We won’t stand for this and are doing all we can to get Facebook to figure out what’s going on and fix their security issues.  44,000 + people who love and support Susan and her family now feel like they are homeless.  This group was their lifeline, their source of news, their way to show united strength and to focus on the effort to find Susan. 

Obviously, someone doesn’t want us to find Susan.  But it doesn’t matter what one person tries to do—NOTHING is going to stop us from doing everything in our power and fighting till the end to find Susan and return her to her family, her friends, and most of all, to her little boys who need her. 

Please take the time to visit this new blog dedicated to the upcoming Week of Service in Susan’s honor:
http://heartsknitforsusan.wordpress.com/
  Also, follow @findsusan if you’re on Twitter for constant updates on the Facebook situation and other efforts in the search for Susan.  And keep an eye on the Find Susan blog, as well. 

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The Dark Side of the Search for Susan

I’ve been trying to decide for a couple of days whether I should post on this topic or not.  More than likely it’ll bring even more “haters” down on my head.  But this is my blog and I have just as much freedom of speech as anyone else, so I decided to do it.

First, I want to give a little background to both myself and the Facebook group I started.  I’ve told the Facebook group beginning to numerous media sources but the general public hasn’t yet heard it. 

About me: I’m 34 years old, originally from northern Wisconsin, a beautiful land covered in deep green forests and thousands of lakes and rivers. 

County J, a beautiful road near Eagle River, Wisconsin

I’m the oldest of 7 kids.  I was homeschooled (except for one semester of high school when I attended full-time so I could take driver’s training) until college, which I attended in Utah.  I graduated from LDS Business College (LDSBC) with an Associate of Science degree, transferred to BYU, and graduated with honors with a Bachelor of Arts in English. 

I met my husband John at LDSBC in 1995.  We are both members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS church) and both of us served as volunteer missionaries from 1996-1998.  We got married in May of 1998 a few months after coming home from our missions.  We now have three children, which I homeschool.  My husband works as a computer programmer.  I fill my spare time with writing, reading, knitting/crochet, music, and time with family and friends. 

Detail from one of my knitting projects

John and I moved into our current home in West Valley in 2003.  Since we had both recently finished college and had 3 small kids, we were excited to make new friends and meet people.  But most young people in our area were still in school and working and too busy to have time for friends.  In the spring of 2004, Josh and Susan Powell bought a house in our neighborhood and came to church.  Their first Sunday at church we introduced ourselves and told them we’d love to have them over sometime to get to know them.  They said “Sure, that sounds great!”

We thought that was the end of that, assuming they were as busy as everyone else and wouldn’t have time.  But we were proved wrong the next Sunday when they asked, “Is today good for getting together?”

Since that time, we’ve been very, very close friends.  The Powells came over to our house at least once a week, many times more often.  We went on picnics together, babysat each other’s kids, went to parades and movies and other activities.  We stayed home and played games, watched movies, went on walks and bike rides. 

Thanksgiving a few years ago with Josh, Susan, and my family

When Susan went missing three weeks ago, I was besieged with phone calls all day from members of my local congregation (called a “ward,” for those unfamiliar with LDS terms).  They knew I was in close contact with both Josh and Susan’s family and they wanted to stay in touch constantly.  I tried sending out mass update messages to my ward friends on Facebook but it just got too overwhelming to try to update everyone that way.

When Kayla Reed (ward member and friend) suggested that I start a Facebook group so we could all stay in touch easier, I thought it was a terrific idea.  I’d never started one before and didn’t know anything about it but the process was easy enough and took less than 5 minutes.  I started it at 6pm on Tuesday, December 8.  The purpose of this group was to give the ward members a chance to easily interact/comfort/share news with each other about Susan’s disappearance. 

I had no idea it would expand so quickly.  No idea that Susan’s family and Josh’s family would visit the page to update us all on the search for Susan AND to receive much-needed comfort and support.  No idea that it would become “Search Central” with a wealth of information on donations to Susan’s family, lists of people with specialized volunteer help, people willing to do a physical search, and many other topics.  No idea that thousands upon thousands of people from all over the world would join to get news, updates, and express their prayers and support for Susan’s family.  No idea that this little group would become such an invaluable tool for finding Susan.  Within days we were over several thousand members and now, less than three weeks later, the group membership is over 10,000.  The purpose of the group has changed a little, and I’ve had to “hire” additional administrators (these other admins are volunteers and doing hundreds of hours of behind-the-scenes work on YouTube channels, social media, and other things to help find Susan…and all of this in addition to their regular full-time jobs, families, and normal busy lives). 

Like anything in life, with growth comes problems.  We’ve asked—as have Susan’s and Josh’s families—over and over that no one posts anything negative, hurtful, speculative, or accusatory on this Facebook group.  99% of the group members have honored this request.  But some have not, and they’ve had their posts deleted and if they’re repeat offenders, we’ve had to ban them from posting to the group.  Also, I have found myself, to my surprise and disgust, bearing the brunt of many online attacks from anything from my physical appearance to accusations of “wanting fame” and “trying to get rich” from Susan’s story. 

These accusations are very hurtful.  They cause tons of additional pain to myself and those of us who are already hurting so much that it seems impossible we can feel any more pain.  People want to know, Why are you still friends with Josh?  Why aren’t you physically searching all day long?  Why don’t you ask Josh, if he’s still your friend, all the questions people want to know?

When I tell people the answers to these questions, they either 1) don’t believe me or 2) dismiss my answer as something they don’t want to hear and would rather belittle, criticize, and make fun of. 

Here, once and for all is the short answer to those questions: You don’t know all the details here.  There are many, many details of Susan’s background/relationship with Josh/etc. that have NOT been made public.  And you WILL NOT hear them from me, either.  My whole goal, focus and priority here is to find Susan.  This includes not telling the world things the police want kept inside the investigation. 

There are things the general public has never even thought of, about this investigation.  And it’s going to stay that way.  I’m not going to explain my reasons for remaining Josh’s friend or what I have or haven’t asked him.  What I will do (and have done) is tell the police any and all information I have that will help them find Susan. 

And as for physically searching?  Yes, I’ve seen the comments out there.  Some people think they can use the internet to spew poison and vitriol on anything and anyone they want to because they’re “safely anonymous.”  So they can say anything they want about anyone, no matter if it’s slander or libel or defaming someone’s character and reputation.  Not to mention, cruel, hurtful, and tearing someone’s soul to shreds.

Here’s the lowdown on the physical search: Chuck Cox, Susan’s father, has said that if anyone wants to do their own search, you must contact the West Valley PD.  Get their permission and register a record of where in the wilderness you want to search and then report back to them after you’re done.

As for me?  People are always asking me what I believe happened to Susan.  I’ve imagined many horrible scenarios but the one I believe most likely (for reasons I won’t share, but I will say they’re good reasons) is that Susan has been taken against her will and is most likely not in the state of Utah.  This is why I personally am not out searching the desert or mountains with my three little kids.  I won’t waste my time or resources fruitlessly looking for someone who may not even be in the state.  Instead, what I believe to be the greatest help here is the vast power of the internet. 

I’ve seen how fast something can spread across the internet.  It’s a very powerful tool.  I know the “haters” will keep laughing at me for doing this, saying I’m wasting my time and it won’t do a bit of good because they believe Josh has done the unthinkable and that Susan’s body is dumped somewhere close by.  So, according to them, I’m dumb and naive (and worse) for believing anything else. 

Well, guess what…as I said above, I have my reasons for believing what I believe and I’m not going to share them with anyone but the police.  So here’s a suggestion to all the “armchair detectives” and “amateur gumshoes” and all the rest who want to spend their day criticizing, defaming, and hurting others with their cruel words: why don’t you start using your energy to HELP find Susan instead of HURT? 

But I suppose I’m wasting my breath.  If you really cared, you’d be either joining our effort to post fliers in every state and city or spread the word online or else coming up with your own effort.  You see, unlike you, I believe and hope that Susan is still alive.  And even if she isn’t, I also believe that someone, somewhere, knows or has seen something that will help us find her.  So yes, I believe I am not wasting my time by doing everything I can do—especially online—to spread her name and picture to the far corners of the globe. 

I want my friend back.  More than anything else in the world.  If you want to find her, please help in a constructive way…not by tearing down and hurting others.

One last thing.  As to accusations of wanting fame and money from this?  Wow.  That is the most hurtful of all.  I would not take one penny from ANYONE in the media or anywhere else in this effort to find Susan.  And I know very well that I’m no model—I do not like being on camera and I hate the sound of my recorded voice.  Please believe me when I say that appearing on local and national TV are the last things I want to be doing with my time.  I would not do any of the media interviews if I didn’t believe it helps get her name and story out to the world.  And I can promise you that I have never, EVER contacted a single media outlet, asking them to come interview me.  They all call me…e-mail me…show up at my house unannounced. 

But I know you probably won’t believe that, either.  So go ahead with your time-wasting hatred that doesn’t do anyone one bit of good (especially yourselves).  As for me and my friends and the thousands of people that truly care about Susan, we’re going to spend all of our time and energy on helping any way we can to find our Susan and get her back to her family.

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